I love being at a good college finally. I’ve worked hard for the past 8 years of my life after graduating highschool to put my finances together enough to put myself through this hardship. I love the classes offered, I’m so incredibly excited about my upcoming Assembly classes and Graphics engine classes. By the end of my time there, I will have designed my own extensions in the microcode of a custom SoC. I will have created my own custom OS on hardware I created with just bare boards and logic gates. This is everything I could have wanted.
But the math. I’ve never been exceptionally good in math related classes. Never awful, but usually a C student. I learn via usage and function. If I can pick something apart piece by piece and see how it works as a system as a whole, I can manipulate, use, rebuild, and modify as I see fit. The problem with Calculus is the memorization sections. All too often I’ve simply been told “I can’t explain why it works, this sort of thing you have to memorize”.
I wouldn’t say I necessarily have any real problem with my memory. It more relates to my long-standing ADHD. Here’s how my math classes go:
-Professor shows new formula on board along with a few things I haven’t seen yet.
-I know I have to focus. I need to remember this. I create things in my mind to link random things in my life or acronyms to these systems.
-I catch myself drifting off, attempting to make links between the functions of these new concepts, and ones previously learned.
-I go to far as it’s no longer relevant. I catch myself and refocus on the professor who has moved past another two subjects I should have paid attention for.
-Alerted to this fact, I continually analyze and remind myself to pay attention, which continually defocuses what I should be paying attention to.
A good amount of it is sinking in though. I’m getting lost in small things, seeing the derivations and functions of small and ignorable features of my day to day. Someone spilled a soda on the orange line the other day. It flowed in an elongated arc backwards on the train toward the center of the aisle. I spent the whole ride figuring out precisely the physics behind the liquids movement, and how I would graph the function of its curve.
From my perspective, it was a decay function, or (1/e^(1/4x))
It’s becoming torturous. I get stuck in what would be called by some as a daydream, but it’s anything but. I’ll be walking along the road, and see an airplane ahead of me in the sky. I see it a few arc lengths above the tree tops, and I’ll stop where I’m standing and try to figure out exactly how fast it must be going.
I love learning but my ability to calm down is on a decay as well.